Leo-Grabill, Indiana

Friday, September 20, 2019

by Beth Stauffer

Once upon a time, a caveman in an undoubtedly remote and dark place inadvertently rubbed two sticks together and created the first spark; from that moment on, the love of fire has been passed down from one generation of man to the next.

Imagine man’s great delight when, during the Song Dynasty in China over 2,000 years ago, legend has it a Chinese cook accidentally spilled potassium nitrate (saltpeter) into a cooking fire and produced the forefather of fireworks.  Saltpeter, an ingredient used to season food, is also a component of gunpowder.  Armed with this tidbit of knowledge, male ingenuity (and to a lesser extent, man’s obsession with fire and things that go BOOM!) eventually led to the discovery that when other gunpowder ingredients were mixed together with saltpeter inside an enclosed bamboo tube and set on fire, instead of making just a pretty flame a big old explosion would ensue.

Thus, fireworks were born.

Fast forward many, many, many thousands of years to my childhood.

As a little girl, it was clear to me that fireworks on the 4th of July was the functional equivalent to my Dad that presents on Christmas morning were to me and my little brother and sister:  the most important component to the best day of the entire year.

What I did not fully realize as a child was that for the most part, the majority of men (at least in Indiana) are nutty when it comes to fireworks.

Give a man a box of matches and a variety pack of fireworks, and suddenly he’s the Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty—happy, happy, happy.

I can only assume that this is why every year around this time fireworks shops pop up all over the place, sort of like the annual Vera Bradley Outlet Sale at the Coliseum in April.

Men need fireworks like the ladies need new purses (and shoes—but that’s probably a story for another day).

Armed with this knowledge, on Monday, July 1st I ventured inside the Best Bang Fireworks shop in Georgetown Square, owned by Indiana State Rep. Bob Morris, which is touted as the area ‘Fireworks Superstore.’  Additional locations of Best Bang Fireworks can be found in New Haven in the former Preferred Auto location on the corner of Broadway and Lincoln Highway, on Stellhorn Road in the Target Plaza, and out on Maysville Road.

Truly, the place was a man’s paradise.

As for me, I found it amusing that on the entrance to this man’s paradise the staff had posted an “Absolutely No Smoking” sign in a prominent location on the front door.

Now, while I try to stop laughing about the implications of a ‘No Smoking’ sign in a fireworks store, take a moment to review the following list of the Top 10 Fireworks for 2013 provided by 4 year store employee Brice Barron.  In a way, this is sort of like a Christmas list, which is sort of ironic since, as I mentioned before, the 4th of July is kind of like Christmas for a lot of fellows out there:

  1. Excalibur Shells
  2. Hard Knocks
  3. C4 Crackers
  4. Zeus Assortments
  5. Chaos Cakes
  6. Smart Bombs
  7. One Bad Mother
  8. Scorpious Probe Rockets
  9. Cyber Candles
  10. Oriental Dragons

Best Bang will be open until July 7th for all your Top 10 fireworks needs, and if by chance you have a hankering for something a little tamer, perhaps a package of sparklers, they have that, too.  The superstore will be open 24 hours a day now thru July 4th(Again, have I mentioned this place is a man’s paradise?)

July 1st marks the first legal day to set off fireworks in Indiana.  Residents are free to shoot off C4 Crackers and Chaos Cakes to their heart’s desire—that is, as long as their heart desires to do so only during the hours of 10 am to midnight, now thru July 7th.

Check out Wednesday’s edition of the New Haven Bulletin for 4th of July safety tips from the New Haven Adams Township Fire Department and to find out from the New Haven Police Department everything you’ve always wanted to know about how (and when) to call in a complaint about your pyromaniac neighbor and his 2 am fireworks display featuring Smart Bombs outside your bedroom window.

POSTED: 07/02/13 at 6:59 am. FILED UNDER: Blogs